The trick about blogging is to have words that go with images. Back when I began, I used to need images to go with the words that wouldn’t stop coming. But sometimes, when you’re living life, you live things that aren’t allowed to have words. You get hurt by people that you can’t just hurt back because, well, it’s not who you are.
In 2017, I walked through some of my hardest photography experiences ever. I was ignored and pushed around and disrespected and pretty solidly shut down in many, many ways. I lived my photography nightmares and got called out on truths that have held me back for years. The fraud police actually do exist, you know.
It made me quieter. It made me want to be harder. Made me want to wear a tough shell that would keep the hurt away.
But years ago when I was starting this photography thing, I promised myself that I wouldn’t become hard. That I wouldn’t let cynicism rule my life.
So I wrote personal words to personal people for every shoot I did last fall. I talked on the phone with brides who wanted to know about how I do weddings. I let someone else be hard with people who needed it. I kept work at work and made an effort to be home when I was home.
Now I am learning how to speak again. I’m learning how to be a person in the world again. I feel I may always be learning this. I know I’m sensitive. But I’m strong too. And when I go away for a while, it’s only because I am regathering my courage to keep being sensitive.
It’s only because I’m finding the words to go with my pictures again. The soft words to say to those I love how much I love them. The strong words that let people know I won’t be broken by them. The real words that let me be honest about how I have been hurt and how I am being healed.
January 26, 2018